I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize