Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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