I showed him my bush... on skype.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
