Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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