he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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