he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
