"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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