So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
