dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
