who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize