Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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