So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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