A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
