either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Life is so much better after having sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
