guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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