He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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