he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
