i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
