if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
