I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
