Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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