The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I could fuck to npr.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
