I wanna bring you to show and tell
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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