If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think people are normalizing furries
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
