At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
