My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
