I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
