i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
