Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am one with the molecules
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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