Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
