3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
