They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
