Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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