making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
