he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He better not be in your backpack
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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