We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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