i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
