I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
