he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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