Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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