Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
