Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
