My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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