i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
