i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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