Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize