She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
