sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
