Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
