that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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