Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
