She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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