did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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