Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
