considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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