I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
