I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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