I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
