I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
