yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
