Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
