So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
birth control should be required to get into college
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
