Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
