I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
