"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
