I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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