I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
