Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
