the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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