my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
