does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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