I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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