you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
