I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
