So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
