so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
